The Nightmarish Arkham Parodies
by Nightmare1
Summary: As a cousin to The Nightmare of Gotham, these are Batman parodies to songs from Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas. Read and Review?
1. It's the Underworld

**The Nightmarish Arkham Parodies**

**Summary:** As a cousin to "The Nightmare of Gotham," these are Batman parodies to songs from _Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas_.

**Genre:** General

**Rated:** G

**Disclaimer:** The story line to _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ belongs to Tim Burton, the songs composed by Danny Elfman, and the entire movie copyrighted to Touchstone Pictures. Batman created by Bob Kane, and licensed to Warner Brothers pictures and DC Comics.

**Background: **I was going through my reviews on my stories to get an idea of what to do next. As I was going through "The Nightmare of Gotham's" reviews, I found one reviewer said it was a shame that there were no songs. Ironically enough, I wrote parody songs for it _long before_ I wrote the story itself, and after a quick look on my computer, and going though several strangely-named documents and folders, I found that I still had the original parody songs, edited them, and here they are to share.

One thing that should be noted, however, is these songs will _not_ go with the actual "Nightmare of Gotham" story-line wise, mainly because character perspectives and replacement roles (i.e. Jack to Joker) switch. As mentioned before, I wrote these_ before_ I wrote the story, and while I did use these to better help write the story, a lot of things (like the replacement for Oogie Boogie) changed in the final.

(And a little randomly, _Nightmare_'s songs were written before the script, so I kept tradition. )

I have listed the title of the original tune under each song. For those of you who have not seen the movie, each and every one of these songs is available on YouTube, so at the very least, you know how they go.

* * *

**It's the Underworld **

(Tune: "This is Halloween")

(**Ivy**)

Boys and girls of every age

(**Harley**)

Wouldn't you like to see something strange?

(**Ivy**)

Come with us and you shall behold

(**Both**)

Our own Underworld, here of old

(_**Scarecrow** and **Two Face** join them as they come around other corners_)

It's the Underworld

It's the Underworld

It is here that we call our home

(_**Riddler**, sitting on a trashcan_)

It's the Underworld,

Everywhere mischief's unfurled

(_**Catwoman** creeps upon some railing_)

Don't come by

Because it's our zone

(**Harley**)

It's our town, it's our Underworld

And everything here can be absurd…

(_**Riddler**, as he walks away_)

I am the one who loves to confuse

I will give riddles as my only clues

(**Catwoman**)

I am a thief who never gets caught

My skills and my claws are the reasons why not

(**Villains**)

It's the Underworld, it's the Underworld

Underworld, Underworld, Underworld, Underworld

(**Harley, Ivy**)

In this place we call home

Dark and forbidding is our tone

(**Penguin**)

It's our home, don't we love it now?

Everybody's waiting for the next surprise!

(**Villains**)

Round that corner, man, hiding near the trashcan

(_**Catwoman** jumps down from the railing and onto a trashcan_)

Someone's waiting for to shoot and how you'll

(_**Two Face**, as he comes up behind **Catwoman**_)

Scream!

(_**Catwoman** gasps as she turns around_)

(**Riddler**)

This all our scene!

(**Two Face**)

Purple, blue

(_**Riddler**, showing off his suit_)

And hints of green!

Weren't you scared?

(**Catwoman**)

Why would I be?

(_**Harley**, **Ivy**, as they continue to walk on their way_)

Say it once, say it twice, take a chance and roll the dice

Walk in the moon in the dead of night

(**Two Face**)

Our whole world is home! Our whole world is home!

(**Villains**)

The Underworld is what is shown…

(**Two Face**)

Two identities I have concealed

The flip of my coin is the fate revealed

(**Ivy**)

I have plants in my greenhouse den

(**Scarecrow**)

I strike fear into hearts of men

(**Harley**)

I'm full of fun, and Joker I love best!

Here my crimes are full of fun and jest!

(**Villains**)

It's the Underworld, it's the Underworld

Underworld, Underworld, Underworld, Underworld…

(**Ivy**)

Knaves and criminals everywhere

It is here that we make our lairs!

(**Catwoman**)

Different thieves together are whirled

(_**Riddler**, joining in_)

Down here in the Underworld

(**Penguin**)

It's our home, don't we love it now?

Everybody's waiting for the next surprise!

(**Riddler**)

In our midst, there's someone we missed

And it is_ he_ that has set us up here in Gotham

(**Villains**)

Cheer! It's the Underworld! Everybody cheer!

(**Harley**)

Won'tcha please make way for a very special guy?

(_Everyone but **Ivy** and **Two Face**_)

Joker's back, he's here among the gray and black

Everyone hail to the Ace of Knaves, now!

(**Villains**)

It's the Underworld, it's the Underworld

Underworld, Underworld, Underworld, Underworld…

(**Harley**, **Ivy**)

In this place we call home

Dark and forbidding is our tone

(**Villains**)

La, la, la

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la

La, la, la

Whee!


	2. Joker's Lament

**Joker's Lament**

(Tune: "Jack's Lament")

(**Joker**)

There are few who deny, that what I do I am the best

For my crimes are renowned far and wide

When it comes to a theft in the moonlit night

I excel without ever even trying

With the slightest little effort of my villainous charms

I have seen grown men get scared and flee

With a flick of my wrist and a blast of my gun

I have blasted them and laughed at them with glee!

Yet night and day it's the same routine

And I've grown so weary of the sound of screams

And I, Mr. J, the Clown Crime King

Have grown so tired of the same old thing...

Oh somewhere deep inside of my skin

A jealous fire has grown within

If only over Bats I could win!

But oh, alas! There's no rid of him!

I'm a master of fun and a demon of pun

And I'll laugh you right out of your pants!

Well, down in Kentucky I'm a bit unlucky

For I missed escapes to England and France!

With a shot of my lead I can blast off your head

To use for Shakespearean quotations---

No animal nor man can play jokes like I can

And escape without police investigation

But who here would ever understand

That the Clown Crime King with his wicked old grin

Would want to knock out Bats with a good-sized piece of wood

I'd do right now, if I only could...

Oh there's a jealous fire in my skin

That burns with hate, that wants to win!

Each scheme, each crime, just blows in my face!

And time again, has all gone to waste...

* * *

(**A/N:** It should be noted that the "shot of my lead" line was created by a friend of mine.

No rhyming intended.)


	3. Joker's Funhouse

**Inside Joker's Funhouse**

(Tune: "What's This?")

(**Batman**)

What's this? What's this?

There's evil everywhere!

(**Robin**)

What's this?

(**Batgirl**)

It's causing quite a scare!

(**Batman**)

What's this?

I can't believe my eyes, I must dreaming!

(**Robin**)

Wake us up, this isn't fair!

(**Batgirl**)

What's this?

(**Batman**)

What's this? What's this?

There's something very wrong!

(**Robin**)

What's this?

The Joker's very strong!

(**Batman**)

What's this?

The place is lined with evil creatures laughing!

(**Batgirl**)

They all seem so very happy!

(**Batman**)

Have we possibly gone daffy?

(**Batgirl**)

What is this?

(**All**)

What's this?

(**Robin**)

There's minions throwing hand grenades

Instead of throwing pies!

(**Batman**)

We're in some kind of funhouse

(**Batgirl**)

With several tricks and lies!

(**Robin**)

We've got to get right out of here

Or Gotham we have failed---

(**All**)

But in the end we'll catch them all

And throw them all in jail---

(**Batman**)

Oh look! What's this?

(**Batgirl**)

They're climbing up the wall!

(**Robin**)

What's this?

I really hope they fall!

(**Batgirl**)

Robin!

(**Batman**)

Now you two listen up, we're gonna catch them

Follow me, and we'll climb too!

Come on!

(**Robin**)

Batman, wait up!

(**Batgirl**)

I can't climb up that fast

Not up!

(**Batman**)

Come take my hand, Batgirl

Come on!

(**Robin**)

I'm coming up, we've made the top!

It's a shame to us we cannot stop!

(**Batman**)

I can spot them dead ahead

But now they're shooting lead!

(**Robin and Batgirl**)

What do we do?

What do we do?

(**Batman**)

We will all fight them just like this!

(**All**)

What's this?

(_The henchmen are quickly_ _defeated. **Robin**, as they enter a room_)

Oh my! What now?

This place is dark and deep!

(**Batman**)

Yes, Rob

(**Batgirl**)

It's giving me the creeps!

(**Robin**)

Of course!

(**Batgirl**)

There's Harley and her little pets

They're running off just like a jet

(**Robin**)

We've got to follow them and hopefully

They'll lead us to the Joker--- sighs

(**All**)

What's this?

(**Batman**)

We've used all our bat gadgets

To catch the minions here!

(**Robin**)

But we've still to find the Joker

(**Batgirl**)

It's all so very queer!

(**Batman**)

Listen now, that voice I hear

It's Joker, that I swear!

(**Robin**)

He says we may have won

But we will track him to his lair---

(**Batman**)

The sights! The sounds!

They led to his defeat

(**Robin**)

But well

Someday again we'll meet

(**Batman**)

Joker's gone, that's not enough

We need to get his hands in cuffs!

(**Robin**)

And Harley too! And Harley too!

That girl's been helping him!

(**Batman**)

We've got to know, we've got to know

The place we've fought him here and now!

(**Robin**)

What

(**Batgirl**)

Is

(**All**)

_This?!_

(**Batman**)

Joker's Funhouse?

(**All**)

Hmm...


	4. The Villains' Meeting

**The Villains' Meeting**

(Tune: "Town Meeting Song")

(**Joker**)

Listen, everyone! I want to tell you about...my plan to rid us of Batman...

We'll lure Robin to our lair then

Make it seem oh quite contraire

Before we send our minions out to get him

He'll be tied to a post

Where we'll torture him and boast

Of our plan to rid us

Of Bats, whom we all trust

Will come here just to find Robin

But you must believe when I tell you this

It will all work out, there will be no miss!

Here, let me show you.

(_He holds up a blueprint_.)

(**Harley**)

Ooooo!

(_**Joker**, as he points to a spot in the blueprint_)

This is the place where we'll lure him

It's Robin's favorite spot!

(**Penguin**)

Is it the park?

(**Riddler**)

Or the lot?

(**Scarecrow**)

It's only a dot!

(**Harley**)

A dot? But Puddin', why a dot?

(**Joker**)

If you please.

This dot you see is café.

Where Robin gets his ice cream!

(**Catwoman**)

Ice cream?

(**Ivy**)

But why?

(**Catwoman**)

How funny!

(**Harley**)

What kind does he get, what kind does he get?

(**Joker**)

I don't know!

(**Riddler**)

He gets lime!

(**Penguin**)

Blueberry!

(**Scarecrow**)

Mint chocolate chip!

(**Catwoman**)

Strawberry!

(**Penguin**)

Perhaps he gets mountains and mountains of cherry!

(**Joker**)

Listen now you don't understand.

Let me finish explaining my plan... (_spoken_) And no more talk of ice cream!

(_He points to another part on the blueprint_.)

Now, when we get Robin we'll drag him

All the way here to our lair---

(**Ivy**)

Oh yes! Can we tie him right there?

(**Catwoman**)

Not there, over here!

(**Riddler**)

Who over here really does care?

(**Joker**)

Just let me explain!

We won't tie him in here, but the next room

The one with the tall water pipe!

(**Catwoman**)

Will it be cold?

(**Penguin**)

Or explode?

(**Scarecrow**)

Will it possibly hold?

(**Harley**)

But then we'll all torture him!

That's what was told!

(**Penguin**)

This torturing thing sounds really quite fun!

I fully endorse it! We'll try it at once!

(**Joker**)

Everyone, please, now not so fast!

There's something here that you don't quite grasp...

(_**Villains**, muttering the following all at once_)

What?

What don't we grasp?

I don't understand.

I don't know. Do you get it?

(_**Joker**, as an aside_)

Well, I may as well give them what they want...

(_aloud_)

Now, the best, I must confess

I have saved for the last!

For the capture of Batman---

Will be grand, I say!

For we'll lure him with Robin

At least that's what I hope you understand

And also, you'll be told

That the capture will be bold!

For when Bats comes to help his friend---

We'll be waiting in the corners

For an ambush we have planned!

And when he least suspects it, we'll have his hands!

That is all I have to say.

And on that dark, cold night, under full moonlight—

We'll blow Bats to bits with fireworks in the sky!

And that will be the end of Batman!

AHAHAHAHA!

(_**Villains** cheer. **Joker** goes behind stage_)

Well at least they're excited

But I hope they understand.

If not, then we'll never be rid of Batman...

Oh, well.


	5. Joker's Obsession

**Joker's Obsession**

(Tune: "Jack's Obsession")

(**Minions**)

Something's up with J, something's up with J.

Don't know if he will come out today.

(**Scarecrow**)

He's all alone in there, locked away inside.

(**Harley**)

Never says a word.

(**Ivy**)

I really hope he's died!

(**Villains**)

Something's up with J! Something's up with J!

(**Joker**)

Killing Bats is buzzing in my skull!

Will it let me be I cannot tell!

There's so many things I want to do!

But all were done; I need something new!

Through my chalk white fingers, it does slip.

Like a bullet in a sweaty grip!

Something here I'm not quite getting

Though I try, I keep forgetting

Like a memory, long since past---

Here in an instant; gone in a flash!

What can I do? What can I do?

In this little brick-a-bract

A secret's waiting to be cracked!

These prints and plans confuse me so!

Confounded all, I love it, though.

Simple objects, nothing more,

But something's hidden through a door!

Though I'm lost without the key---

There's something here I cannot see!

What can I do? What can I do?

What can I do?

I've used these bombs so many times!

I know their uses and I know their times.

I know each revolver all by heart---

They're overused! It's tearing me apart!

So often have I used them, something's wrong.

It's just too hard to put my finger on.

Or perhaps it's really not as deep

As I've been lead to think!

Can it be done easily?

Of course, it's been too close to see!

The answer's right in front of me!

Right in front of me!

It's simple, really, very clear!

Like Smilex drifting in the air!

Invisible, but everywhere---

Just because I cannot see it

Doesn't mean I can't believe it!

You know I think this Robin thing

Is not as tricky as it seems!

So why do they have all the fun!

Why, this time the villains will all have won!

Not just them all, in fact, but me!

Why I can get them both you see!

And not only I will have the fun

But all the villains, everyone!

We'll go as planned! We'll kidnap Robin

And then it's Bats who will...be...sobbin'!

HAHAHAHA!

Eureka! This time, victory will be ours!


	6. Kidnap the Boy Wonder

**Kidnap the Boy Wonder**

(Tune: "Kidnap the Sandy Claws)

(**All**)

Kidnap Batman's little bird?

(**Ivy**)

Why should _we _do it?

(**Catwoman**)

That's absurd!

(**Harley**)

Mistah J said we need Robin!

(**Ivy**)

We know that, Harls

(**Catwoman**)

Let's get Robin!

(**All**)

And get Bats sobbin'! Whee!

La, la, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la

Kidnap that little brat,

Tie him to a chair

Make sure that he can't escape

Then send out a bear!

(**Ivy**)

First we're going to track him down

To the café that's downtown

When he gets his ice cream,

We will ambush him without a sound!

(**Harley**)

Wait! I've got a better plan to capture this young Wonder Man

My babies can lead him for a chase! And picture this! They win the race!

(_spoken quickly_) And bring him to us of course!

(**All**)

Kidnap the Boy Wonder, throw him in a box

Lock it up and listen up; see if we hear him talk!

(**Ivy**)

Then Joker, the "great mastermind"

(**Catwoman**)

Will reward us all in his due time

(**All**)

He'll be so pleased, I do declare

That our rewards will be contraire! Whee!

(_**Harley** digs through a closet full of weapons until she finds what she's looking for: her boxing glove! **Catwoman** and **Ivy** go over a blueprint while she does so. When **Harley** gets her glove, she randomly pops up in between **Catwoman** and **Ivy**, slightly startling them_.)

(**Harley**)

I say that I take my boxing glove,

Aim it at his head and then

Count to three and when I fire,

He'll be knocked out or almost dead!

(**Ivy**)

Harley, will you think now?

If we knock him out for much too long

He might not wake up in time

(_**Catwoman** joins in_)

And then our plans will go all wrong!

(**All**)

Kidnap the Boy Wonder,

Tie him in a bag

Drag him here right to our lair

And see if he is sad

(**Ivy** and **Harley**)

Because Mr. J, the Joker, is the cruelest crook around

If _I_ were on his victim list, I'd get out of town!

(**Catwoman**)

He'll be so pleased when we succeed

(**Ivy**)

If not, I got a special seed...

(**Harley**)

Perhaps some jewelry or some money...

(**All**)

Now wouldn't that be sunny?

We're his gorgeous helpers

And we'll take our job with pride.

We'll do our best to please him,

And stay on his good side

(_**Catwoman, **spoken quickly_)

Well, just this once.

(**Ivy**)

I wish my cohorts weren't so dumb!

(_**Catwoman**, pointing to Harley_)

I'm not the dumb one!

(**Harley**)

Hey! You're no fun!

(**Ivy**)

Shut up!

(**Harley**)  
Make me, Red!

(**Ivy**)

I've got something, listen now! This one is quite good, you'll see!

We'll slip a gift into his pocket; on it is a note to read

Now is the box what waits and hides is a special growing vine

Before Robin can finish reading, he'll be tied up nice and fine!

(**Harley**)

Kidnap the Boy Wonder,

Borrow Joker's deck

Toss the cards both here and there

And hope to get his neck!

(**Catwoman**)

Kidnap the Boy Wonder,

Claw him into bits

I'm sure that the Joker is

Sure to get his kicks!

(**All**)

Kidnap that little brat

See what we will see

Lock him in a cage and then

Throw away the key!

* * *

(**A/N: **My best friend suggesting using the Gotham Girls for this one. We also noticed that Harley (Lock) wears a lot of red, and Catwoman wears a lot of black (Barrel), so it looks like Ivy (Shock) needs to alter her wardrobe to include a little lavender. ) 


	7. Getting Batman

**Getting Batman**

(Tune: "Making Christmas")

(**Villains**)

This time...this time...

(**Riddler**)

Getting Batman, hahahaha!

(**Scarecrow**)

Getting Batman!

(**Penguin**)

Getting Batman, getting Batman

Is so fine!

(**Riddler**)

He's our this time and

Won't his Robin be surprised?

(**Villains**)

He's ours this time!

(**Catwoman**)

Getting Batman---

(**Scarecrow**)

Getting Batman---

(**Both**)

Getting Batman!

(**Harley** and **Ivy**)

Time to get him all for one

And be rid of him for years to come!

(**Villains**)

Let's have a cheer from everyone!

(**Harley**)

It's time to party!

(**Villains**)

Getting Batman, getting Batman

(**Riddler** and **Two Face**)

Guns and dice get loaded so nice!

With gun powder

And lead bullets---

(**Ivy**)

He's ours this time!

(**Villains**)

All together, that and this,

With all our tricks, we're getting Batman now!

(**Harley**)

Here comes Mistah J!

(**Joker**)

I don't believe what's happening to me---

My hopes, my dreams---

My fantasies---HAHAHAHAHA!

(**Riddler**)

Won't he be impressed? I am a genius!

See how I fuse this blade and gun

So that Bats has no place to run!

Hmm...

(**Joker**)

My compliments from me to you

On this your most intriguing toy

Consider though, this small addition

A bit of poison on the blade, my boy!

(_**Joker** goes to **Ivy**, who's constructing a plant trap_)

No, no, no, now that's all wrong!

This leafy thing will never do!

Try mixing in some Venus's flytraps

Then this plant will be of use!

Try again, don't give up!

(**Villains**)

All together, that and this, with our tricks

We're getting Batman now!

(_The scenes change between the **Villains** preparing their death device, **Batman** trying to find **Robin**, and some scenes of **Robin** trying to break loose and/or being tormented by one or more **Villains**_.)

This time...

This time...

(**Joker**)

We will not fail!

(**Villains**)

Getting Batman, getting Batman

La, la, la---

(**Riddler**)

He's almost here

(**Penguin**)

And we can't wait!

(**Ivy**)

So get your guns---

(**Harley**)

And celebrate!

(**Villains**)

Cause when dear Batman starts to climb,

We'll all sing out---

(**Joker**)

He's ours this time!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!


	8. Tormenting Robin

**Tormenting Robin**

(Tune: "Oogie Boogie's Song")

(**Joker**)

Well, well, well. What have we here?

Batman's little Robin, huh?

Oooo! I'm really scared!

So you're the one who keeps helping that bat!

HAHAHAHA!

You're joking! You're joking!

I can't believe my eyes!

You're joking me, you gotta be!

I can't _believe_ this is the guy!

He's little, and puny!

I don't know which is worse!

I might just pop my knee out

If I don't die laughing first!

Mr. J, the Joker says,

"There's trouble close in hand.

You'd better pay attention now,

'Cause I'm the Joker man!"

And if you aren't scared yet,

There's something very wrong.

Cuz this may be the last time

You hear the Joker's song!"

Who-oa!

(**Harley, Ivy, Catwoman**)

Who-oa!

(**Joker**)

Who-oa!

(**Mad Hatter, Riddler, Scarecrow**)

Who-oa!

(**Joker**)

Who-oa!

(**Villains**)

Who-oa!

(**Joker**)

Yeah!

(**Villains**)

He's the Joker man!

(**Joker**)

Well, if I'm feeling nasty

And I've nothing much to do

I might just run my torture things

Let's see what I'll do to you!

There's the racks and spine-lined presses

But they aren't really all that nice

But then again, let's play with them!

It's you we're gonna slice!

(**Two-Face, Killer Croc, Baby Doll**)

Who-oa!

(**Joker**)

Who-oa!

(**Ventriloquist, Mr. Freeze, Maxie Zeus**)

Who-oa!

(**Joker**)

Oh-oh-oh-oh!

(**Villains**)

Who-oa!

(**Joker**)

Yeah!

(**Villains**)

He's the Joker man!

(**Robin**)

Batman's not going to like this!

You'd better let me go!

He's going to get suspicious

And it's YOU he'll overthrow!

(**Joker**)

Ha! You're joking! You're joking!

I can't believe my ears!

Will someone stop his mouth now?

I'm drowning in my tears!

He's funny, I'm laughing!

This kid is just too much!

And now with your permission, Robin,

I'm going to do my stuff---

(**Robin**)

What are you going to do?

(**Joker**)

Torture you, of course!

(_The **Villains** get out guns and aim at a life-sized cardboard Batman. **Harley** and **Ivy** tease **Robin**, before all the villains fire at once, blowing the cardboard to bits. There's a quick glance at **Robin's** horrified face, before **Joker** picks up again_.)

(**Joker**)

Whoa, the sound of shooting guns

To me is music in the air!

Cuz I've got plans for your Batman

And none of them are fair!

It'll be more fun, I must confess

When Bats is outta' the way

That'd be so fine, it'd be divine

When we all make him pay!

(**Robin**)

Last warning, Joker, let me loose!

Or Batman's going to cook your goose!

(**Joker**)

Oh brother. You're something!

You put me in a spin!

You aren't comprehending

The position that you're in!

It's hopeless. You're finished.

You haven't got a prayer!

Cuz I'm Mistah J, the Joker

And YOU ain't going...nowhere!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


	9. Harley's Song

**Harley's Song**

(Tune: "Sally's Song")

(**Harley**)

I sense there's something in the wind

That feels like tragedy's at hand

And though I'd like to go help him---

Can't shake this feeling that I have

Soon Bats will come around the bend---

But does he notice

He's coming for him?

Or will he see

How much he means to me?

I hope that it will be.

What will become of Mistah J?

That he comes back is what I pray

And yet he fails to see I'm here

But to him always I'll be near

Try as I may, it doesn't last---

But will we ever

Stay here together?

No, I think not. It's never to become

He's too into his fun

* * *

(**A/N:** One of the things that really got me into writing this and "Nightmare of Gotham" were the similarities between Harley and Sally: They both love a man who does not really take much notice of them, their lovers names begin with "J," and they are both secondary characters that complete their significant other. ;D) 


	10. Poor Joker

**Poor Joker**

(Tune: "Poor Jack")

(**Joker**)

What have I done? What have I done?

How could I be so blind?

All has failed. Is this true?

Spoiled all, spoiled all.

Everything's gone all wrong.

What have I done? What have I done?

Find a deep cave to hide in

In twenty seven years they'll find me

Only bones!

And a stone

That reads, "This is Joker's home."

But I've never intended Bats escaping, never.

And non of them really understood!

Well, how could they?

That's all I ever wanted

Was to lead Bats to his death!

Why does _nothing_ ever turn out like it should?

Well, what the heck?

I went and did my best!

And I thought I had come up with something swell!

And for a moment, why

We even thought Bats died!

And at least this is a story we can tell!

It is!

And for the first time since

I don't remember when.

I feel just like my old Joker self again!

And I, Mr. J! The Ace of Knaves---

That's right! I _am_ the Ace of Knaves! HAHAHA!

And I just can't wait

For some weeks to go

Cuz I've got some new ideas

Which will give them quite a show!

And by golly!

I'm really going to give them all my might---

Uh-oh. I hope there's still time

To set things right...


	11. Joker's Back

**Joker's Back**

(Tune: "Finale")

(**Villains**)

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

(_**Riddler**, spoken_)

Joker!

(_**Scarecrow**, spoken_)

Joker's back!

(_**Ivy**, spoken. She sounds disgusted_)

Joker?

(_**Two Face**, spoken; surprised_)

He's okay!

(_**Mad Hatter**, spoken_)

He's all right!

(**Villains**)

Joker's back, he was caught like that

But he's fine, let's shout!

Make a fuss; scream it out, WHEE!

(**Male Villains**)

Joker's back, in Arkham within

To be reunited with Harley Quinn...

(**Joker**)

It's great to be home!

(**Batman**)

Have a nice stay.

(**Joker**)

I will for now!

(**Robin**)

Well, now. What's this?

They seem to get along

(**Batgirl**)

I know.

It somehow seems all wrong!

Batman?

(**Batman**)

There's peace in Gotham now

(**Robin**)

That's great.

We'll keep it there, I vow.

(**Villains**)

It's the Underworld, Underworld, Underworld, Underworld, Underworld---

(**Joker**)

What's this? What's this? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(_**Robin** and **Batgirl** leave. **Batman** leads **Joker** to a cell. **Joker** makes him stop at **Harley's** cell for a final verse_.)

(**Joker**)

My dearest girl, if you don't mind

I'd like to join you by your side.

Where we can gaze right through the bars---

(_**Harley** joins in_)

And sit together, now and forever.

For it is plain, as anyone can see.

We're here for eternity.

(_**Batman** then marches the **Joker** along to his cell. Cue the curtain call_.)


End file.
